Dear Mimi,

I have been on your mailing list for a couple of months now.  I am grateful that you are willing to spend your time to share wonderful insights with all the men/ women out there with the intention to create a better world for everyone!  You are wonderful! I would like to contribute to share my experience also!

I myself have made this mistake before, not even one time.  With guys whom I met, we went out for a few times, it was great and we had a good time.  I thought there could be something to develop between us.  After a few times, I spent a lot of time at his place, and all we do was stay there and you know.  Which was absolutely a HUGE mistake. 

Once you start doing that, he will get the signal that he has total control of you.  It might be fun, exciting but the price to pay was disappointment, pain, that he puts you on the 'casual' shelf...  the next thing you know is there is no relationship any more, he will not take the initiative to want to please you emotionally/mentally, he does not cherish you, he denies what you want in a relationship, basically he just doesn't give a S*** about you.  YOU LOSE ALL YOUR BARGANING POWER.

To all the lovely ladies out there, cherish and value yourself.  Know the guy inside out before getting intimate, make him wait as long as possible.  If he really loves you, he will be more than happy to wait.  This is what you want, isn't it?

Men are trained with the concept of effort and reward. If he had to fight hard to get reward, they will think of you as a trophy, and vica versa.  Enjoy the time spent together to do other actitvities!  Movies, coffee, sports, bookstore,exploring the city...  something healthy and will benefit the both of you.

I now have a stable bf, we've been going out for almost a year. (he's been showing his effort for 2 year, before we declare bf/gf)  I didn't sleep with him until 6 months into our relationship, all together that is 30 months.  It was great, we went to romantic dinners, walk the park, he takes me home everytime we go out (with a simple kiss good-bye to end the night), is an absolute gentlemen....

I'm very glad I have made this choice.  When you feel
he is serious about you ( see with his ACTIONS!) .  You will have the answer in you, if you find urself doubting.  Please wait and see.

Be the cool and valuable girl you are, you do not need his approval.  Chill with your girls, be passionate and pursue your own life!  Only then, he will chase after you, only then, he will think of you as valuable, when your actions show that YOU value yourself!

Wish all the ladies out there good luck!

''Estelle''

Mimi...

Help... please tell me how to recover!!!!

Yes, I made the choice on the 4th date... even stated the boundaries from the beginning (he respected) and I caved on the fourth date... we went back to his house and well you know the rest....

Needles to say he has become aloof and somewhat unavailable
since then... calls just once a day instead of 3 or 4 and the 20 texts... text is non-existent!!

He was the bad boy I thought I would NEVER be interested in...
he did ever thing to win me over and to my surprise... pleasant
to start with... it worked! Now I am hooked and he is aloof...

How do I recover??? I am new to dating... I am 39, two years
divorced from my son's father and this guy is younger than I am
35... not much, but enough. How do I get the upper hand back???

Does that sound snotty???

Thank you!!!!

"Meghan" (not her real name)

How to recover from this mistake is discussed at length as a part of Man Mistake Eraser AND in an upcoming class from another angle as well. Read some hints here. And... don't sleep with him! You can see for yourself from the experiences of these readers, which represent the experiences of literally millions of readers - that sleeping with a guy early on - or before marriage, depending on your beliefs - will fast-forward your relationship to the end.