Hi,
I signed onto one of the large dating websites quite some time
ago. I have received a lot of interest including many emails.
It seems that the "men" on the other end of the emails only want
to have contact with me by email, therefore, I can't help
wondering whether many of the profiles on that particular
website are bogus and there just as a money making activity.
HeatherI met my boyfriend on-line, and we have been
dating for almost 2 years now. We are talking about marriage
next year! I should also point out that we are in our 40's,
which is a tough dating age in any venue.
The reason for my reply is to warn women that on-line dating is
NOT easy. It's kind of like shopping at one of those discount
clothing stores. You have to look through a lot of racks before
you find a great deal. Danny was probably the 20th man I met
on-line. I learned early to weed out the married men and the
other liars, but even after that I met a lot of duds.
So I caution women who get frustrated or impatient not to give
up! I read a statistic once that said you have to meet an
average of 17 people from on-line dating before meeting a
"keeper." I'm glad I waited for my keeper!
Thanks for all your great e-mails!
Beth
Mimi,
A balanced perspective on on-line dating is in
order here. Most of my friends who've used these services have
met with success, but I haven't and not because I'm undesirable,
didn't post some nice recent photos and work and rework my
profile.
Sure I got some positive interest and a few dates
but it didn't seem a very effective means for ME to meet men
whoapproached my dreams, or even wanted to.
That might be because I am a widow (who's also
know what it is to be left by a husband in an earlier
marriage). My husband didn't spoil me for anyone else, but he
led me to have high expectations. I don't care what my guy does
for a living as long as it's legal and he feels a sense of
accomplishment. He's got to feel that the goal of child rearing
is to raise independent adults. He's got to take responsibility
for who he is.
I didn't meet my new guy on line.
You're absolutely right on communication and not
jumping in to things too soon, good strategies. They protected
me from getting enmeshed in bad situations.
What's most important to do what feels right as
an individual and several months of on-line dating never felt
right...TO ME!
A.
Hi Mimi,
I agree and disagree with the online dating idea.
Yes it does give you a chance to interact with men if you have
been out of the dating scene for awhile. However I once tried
online dating....it never went any further than talking through
email.
The one gentleman I met in person didn't seem
to look the way he did in the profile pictures. Then after
meeting someone (not online) and dating for about a year, we
split up. I thought maybe I would try this online service
again....low and behold the same men are still on there. The
profiles are the same....the pictures are the same.
At least I updated my profile, but sometimes
it seems to me that some men get addicted to talking online and
they forget the real reason they are there?? I do have to say
that I did feel like I wasted my money also. Maybe it is the
content on my profile. Do you have any suggestions on how to
make your profile catchy? Thanks!!
S.Thanks, S., for this
story, and yes, real women are sharing what they said on their
online dating profiles that worked!
Dear Mimi,
You've published two extreme accounts of online dating. Here's a
voice from the middle.
Online dating is OK, if you don't take it too seriously. Your reader
Daisy describes how she just hops on the site and starts dating.
Right. In my experience there aren't many there looking for
something real and long-term, they're just dating around. I now
screen out anyone who is too recently out of a relationship and
anyone who is currently litigating with an ex. You'd be surprised at
how many men that knocks out. While I know of four couples in
the past ten years who met and married through an online service,
that isn't many.
The problem is also illustrated by Daisy's statement about there are
always more. That's right. It's an endless supply. Not exactly
incentive to pick one and give the rest up! In fact, I recently saw
a magazine article about women addicted to internet dating. Oh dear.
It's not just women. I spent three months just researching sites -
and guess what, found one guy who was on five different sites!
Caveat emptor (buyer beware) girls.
I've largely found dating online a mixed bag of men and waste of
time, good only for experience in learning to say no quickly and
move on. I don't actively recommend it but I wouldn't discourage
someone from trying it, with the right attitude. You only need one,
right? Best approach I've found is to do a lot of different things
to meet people, then you aren't discouraged if one method doesn't
work.
Sandie
